Once again, I heard something in a movie today that made me think about weightlifting. The movie was “The Wolf of Wall Street,” which is a wholesome film that families should watch together. Leonardo DiCaprio plays a corrupt Wall Street scumbag (is there any other kind?) who gets filthy rich by ripping people off and breaking the law, just an average day in the New York financial district. Anyway…when he hits the big time and establishes his financial empire, the FBI obviously starts investigating him because they know there’s shady business afloat. He responds to the legal scrutiny by saying, “Every time someone rises up in this world, there’s always gonna be some asshole trying to drag him down.”

That line got me thinking about this weightlifting thing we’re all neck deep in. Specifically, it made me think about support systems. These are the people around you (family, friends, teammates) who have some level of involvement in your lifting life.

Your support system tries to help you. They give you encouragement, advice, financial help, coaching, and all the other intangible stuff that makes it possible for you to keep banging away in your fight for bigger lifts. In other words, they’re the good people who contribute a lot to your career.

However, there’s also such a thing as an “anti-support system.” These are the ones DiCaprio was talking about. Simply stated, these are the losers who do the exact opposite of your supporters. They try to disrespect you, insult you, distract you, discourage you, and hold you back.

I wonder if this rings a bell with any of you. I don’t know your personal life, so I have no idea what kind of characters you’re surrounded by. Hopefully, many of you have a big network of supporters who build you up every chance they get. That’s obviously the situation you want to be in. Weightlifting is an extremely difficult sport, and you need a lot of help to be successful at it. I know several of you like to think of yourselves as independent ass-kicking lone wolves who rise to the top through the sheer force of your own awesomeness, with no help from anybody. But once you take a step back and actually look at your life with a sense of reality, you’re gonna realize that you’ve needed some assistance to get where you are. We all do.

Let’s take a closer look at this topic, shall we? I think there’s some benefit to examining the way you interact with the people in your support system, whether it’s a positive or negative one. Trust me, you can make mistakes in this area. Some of these mistakes might require you to pay a hefty price if you want to fix them. Wouldn’t we all like to avoid getting into jams that cause sleepless nights and migraines?

Furthermore, you’re a part of somebody else’s support system, whether you know it or not. Somebody in your life looks to you for assistance, in some way. Since you’re all good people, I know you want to be helpers…not hurters (sorry if that sounded like Dr. Phil). And I’ve seen lots of parents, spouses, and teammates who simply don’t understand the right and wrong ways of dealing with people. They don’t freaking get it. So let’s straighten this out, shall we?

Black and white examples…

Let me give you some examples of each group. First, I’ll mention my family because they were the textbook models of a positive support system. My parents were the two biggest fans I had throughout my career. When I started getting serious about training and competing, I was just a teenager. I depended on my parents for basically everything, and they came through for me every time. My mom used to get up at 5:00am so she could drive me to the high school weight room before I had my driver’s license. My dad was a coal miner, so we didn’t have a lot of money, but he made sure I had whatever I needed to train (belts, shoes, equipment). We lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere, five hours away from the big city where all the meets were, but they would take time off work to drive me there so I could compete. When I qualified for my first national championship, they held a fundraiser to get the money for the trip. You get the point. They were totally devoted to helping me, and I owe everything to them.

Second, I’ll give you an example of an anti-supporter. Several years ago, I was coaching a high school shot putter who was probably the most physically talented kid I’ve ever worked with. His strength and athletic ability were extraordinarily rare. He also came from a highly dysfunctional family with a lot of abuse and mistreatment in the picture, but he tried as hard as he could to get beyond it and live a normal life. So…we were at the region track and field championship, which was where this kid needed to qualify for the state championship. He was ranked #1 in the state and heavily favored to win comfortably, so qualifying should have been a mere formality. Unfortunately, his dad came to watch this meet. After the warmup throws were done and the competition was getting ready to start, this kid was standing near the ring, preparing himself to perform. His dad called out his name from the bleachers and yelled, “HEY!! ARE YOU GONNA CHOKE NOW?!”

The kid looked like somebody had stuck an ice pick in his heart when he heard that. And do you know what he did? He choked. He fouled all of his throws and didn’t even qualify for state. It was probably the most embarrassing performance I’ve ever coached. Afterwards, he had a complete emotional breakdown because his dad mentally destroyed him right before his big chance. If I didn’t know I would have lost my career for doing it, I would have jumped over that fence and beaten his father into the hospital. It still bothers me, to this day.

So those are two stories about winners and losers. It’s easy to categorize these people because they’re such obvious examples of right and wrong. But there’s another group that you might find in your support system, and this is where it gets tricky.

Grey area examples…

I’m talking about people who genuinely love you, care about you, and want the best for you. However, they’re doing some things that are making your weightlifting life difficult. The tricky part is that they’ve got very legitimate reasons for the things they’re doing. They’re not trying to hurt you or screw you over. They’re presenting you with obstacles that are honest problems, and you don’t know what to do about them. An example of this might be found in your home. Here, we could be looking at a spouse who says your family life is suffering because of the amount of time you spend training. Maybe the money is becoming a problem. Know what I mean? This person loves you. They don’t want to hold you back like that idiot dad I told you about. But they’ve got some reasonable complaints, plain and simple.
In these cases, there’s not a clear answer to the question of what’s right and wrong. So, what the hell are you supposed to do? Listen, there’s no way I’m gonna sit here and act like I have the answers to everything. You’re all adults, I don’t know a damn thing about your personal life, and many of you are probably smarter than me anyway. If there’s a way to solve the pickle you’re in, you’ll find it. Every problem has a solution. But I think there are a few thoughts we should keep in mind.

First, you don’t always get to pick your support system. You’re born into your family, and you can’t control the attitude they’re going to have about your weightlifting. You also can’t always control the people you have to train with, work with, etc. If you’re lucky, you’ll be surrounded by a bunch of winners like my parents. And if you’re in this position, show them appreciation and gratitude every chance you get. We all get selfish, totally wrapped up in our own little world. When this happens, it’s easy to forget to say thank-you. Do yourself a favor and remember it. A little gratefulness goes a long way.

Second, if you’re surrounded by assholes who want to drag you down, you’ll just have to develop a thick skin. Personally, I think it’s good to make it into a competitive thing. It’s you against them. Remember, if you quit…they win. You can’t allow that.

There also might be a time when you have to shut them out of your life. I’ve never believed that anybody has a free pass to treat you like dirt just because they’re your family and you’re supposed to love them despite everything. Not in my book, jack. Nobody gets to stick around if they’re screwing up my life, blood relative or not. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s a rough world out there. In my opinion, you’ll never make it if you allow a permanent toxic presence that consistently proves its determination to damage your progress.

However, that doesn’t mean you won’t have problems…

A few days ago, I was watching the 2014 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Ceremony on HBO. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band got inducted this year, and Bruce himself went to the microphone and gave a pretty long speech about the incredible 40-year history of the group. I listened closely because I love Bruce, and he said some things that really made me think about weightlifting…and you guys.

Obviously, Bruce and the E Street Band have had a legendary run of success. They’re one of the greatest rock acts of all time, and Bruce paid a lot of tribute to the fantastic things they’ve all done together throughout their historic career. However, I thought it was really interesting that Bruce frequently mentioned in his speech that it hasn’t always been sunshine and rainbows with the members of this band. Over the course of 40 years, they’ve had a lot of rocky times. They’ve had internal feuds. They’ve hurt each other in different ways. They’ve developed grudges that estranged them for years at a time. He didn’t get into specifics, but it was plain as day that they’ve had problems.

They’ve clearly weathered the storms, because they’re all still together today and they still love each other. That was the overriding theme of Bruce’s speech…that they’ve survived all of it. They stuck together through both the glory and the bullshit, and the end result of the whole journey brought them to where they are today.

I think this leaves us with the idea that the relationships we have with our supporters can be tricky sometimes. I mentioned that I think you should be willing to remove people from your life, if they prove time and time again that they’re going to hurt you. But I also mentioned that obstacles are part of the game, like they were with Bruce and his band, and you can find ways to work through them and persevere. So how do we know the difference between a survivable problem and a deal-breaker?

Basic human intelligence and adult maturity are pretty good tools for answering these questions. I have a lot of respect for readers of this magazine, so I’m not going to offer solutions for every potential glitch in life. You’re all strong enough to manage your own lives. Let’s just finish with a few simple thoughts:

1) There’s a delicate balance between helping others and staying committed to your own needs, and it’s much easier to find this balance if you have honest communication with people.

2) Overreacting is the source of many problems.

3) It’s hard to go wrong with enthusiasm and gratitude. These two things rarely get old.

4) Your words and actions have a big impact on some of the people in your life.

Hopefully, some of this hits home with you. I don’t always write about technique or training programs, because your weightlifting life is about much more than those things. Trust me, I’ve been in this game much longer than you. There’s a lot more to this sport than finishing your pull and squat workouts. People matter, and it’s good to remember that sometimes.