I know a lot of weightlifters. I’ve been in this sport forever, so I have a lot of conversations with lifters and coaches about how their training is going, how life is treating them, gossip from the weightlifting scene, etc. I suspect many of you are the same way.
 
You want to know a topic that frequently comes up? Gym drama. Aaahhh, yes. Now we’re talking. We all know what gym drama is, so there’s no need for a lengthy definition. But let me give you a few standard types of drama I’ve seen over the years.
 
1) People are getting pissed because one team member is getting a lot more attention from the coach than everybody else. This might be a needy athlete who’s intentionally hogging the
coach’s time. Or it might be the coach’s fault, with no blame on the athlete.
 
2) Sexual peccadillos (different subcategories of these):

• Two athletes are fornicating, and their personal crap contaminates the gym atmosphere. When people spend a lot of time training together, they sometimes get attracted to each other and start hooking up. This can turn into a great thing. Marriages can happen this way. But it’s also a powder keg situation that can blow up if there’s trouble in paradise.
• Somebody is cheating on their significant other with another gym member. This one is almost a guaranteed disaster.
• Somebody is sexually harassing somebody else. This is problematic, and potentially illegal.

 
3) The coach is moody. You can’t be grumpy when you’re in a position of leadership. It’s part of your job to control your personal issues and set an example for your athletes. If you’re having a rotten day, you’ve gotta put on a good face.
 
4) Somebody is a control freak and wants the whole gym to obey. This is especially annoying if some of the people in the gym surrender to the control freak and let themselves be turned into little followers.
 
5) Basic competitiveness. Nothing complicated here. Things can get heated when a bunch of people are all trying to make it to the top, whether you’re talking about Olympic Team contenders or just plain old average athletes.
 
6) Somebody whines too much and everybody gets sick of listening to it. As an athlete, you want to say to this person, “Look, we’re ALL hurting. Shut your mouth and do your work like the rest of us, or get the hell out of here.”
 
7) The coach shows favoritism to the top athletes, not the people who work the hardest. Coaches, watch this one. Everything you do (and don’t do) is under the microscope. Do everything you can to make sure everybody gets equal treatment. You won’t always be perfect, but you have to try.
8) The music. This one sounds ridiculous, but it’s totally legit. I’ve seen altercations that almost resulted in physical violence…over the music in the gym. A guy I used to train with was in the middle of a heavy squat when he noticed somebody was about to change the radio station. He managed to scream, “TOUCH THAT RADIO AND I’LL KILL YOU MOTHERF*****ER!!” while he was standing up with the bar on his back.
 
And on and on they go… Feel free to chime in with some others if you can think of them. What I want to do in this article is offer you a perspective on this subject that comes with a lot of experience. I’m entering my 30^th year in weightlifting, so I’ve been around the block with every kind of dysfunctional gym rigmarole you could ever think of. Many of you are coaches or athletes who train with groups of people, so you either have to A) manage all of this crap if you’re the one in charge, or B) deal with it if you’re a part of the crowd.
 
This might sound like petty stuff. Actually, most of it is extremely petty stuff. But that doesn’t mean it’s not important. I’ve seen careers get screwed up because of the kinds of things I listed above. I’ve seen coach-athlete relationships disintegrate. I’ve seen athletes quit teams and switch gyms. Hell, I’ve even seen people move to different states over this crap (seriously). Going to the gym and training is one of the most important parts of all our lives, and none of us want any toxic situations floating around in it. Emotions are high when we’re lifting, so things that seem really petty might cut deeper than they should. Like I said, I’ve seen these kinds of things go horribly wrong. Trust me…it’s worth a few pages of examination.
 
Personal Experience…
 
Let me give you my own testimony on this subject. Back in 1993, I moved to Washington and joined the Calpian Weightlifting Club. Throughout the 90s and early 2000s, our club had a fantastic run of success. National team championships, individual national champions, World Team members, Pan Am Games champions, American records, dozens of national medalists, Olympic Trials competitors…the whole enchilada. We were one of the dominant forces on the US scene and we kicked a lot of ass for a very long time.
 
We were also a tight-knit group. Our team was a TEAM, and we knew we were doing something special together. As a byproduct of that closeness, our personal lives became connected. Several of us shared houses or apartments as roommates over the years. We lived together. We trained together. We traveled together. We partied together. And this is where you probably know what I’m going to say next.
 
Despite our loyalty and commitment to each other, we had our share of trouble. We had blowups in the gym. We got pissed at each other. We got pissed at our coach. We had jealousies. Some of these things lasted a long time. Looking back now, it’s all understandable. We were all in our early-mid 20s, we were firecracker personalities, we were competitive, and we got together every day to spend our time doing something that makes your blood run hot…Olympic weightlifting. There’s no way to be in this environment for long without having some explosions.
 
There were two or three times I can remember where a couple of people in the gym started dating, had a relationship, split up, and then went through all their breakup fallout right there in the middle of team workouts. Makes for an interesting day at the gym.
 
Our coach was our leader and second father, but you know how sports are. Athletes and coaches are going to get pissed at each other sometimes. It’s just part of the game. I know there were times when our coach was sick and tired of us. There were times when we were angry with him too, for one reason or another. When you’re talking about a 10 to 15 year stretch of working together, there are going to be good time periods and bad time periods. It’s like any other long-term relationship, don’t you think?
 
When I think back about the whole experience after so many years have gone by, I realize I learned some of the most important lessons of my life during this crazy ride. Both smooth and rough days brought me closer to my teammates, and strengthened me inside in some way. Were there more positives than negatives? Yes, by a landslide. They were the best athletic years of my life, and they made me smarter, more mat­ure, and more understanding of people. Those things have made the rest of my life easier.
 
And that brings me to you.
 
Most of you are part of some kind of program. It might be a CrossFit gym that you train at. Maybe you’re the coach or owner of this gym. Regardless of the specific form, your weightlifting life is probably attached to a larger group of people in some way.
 
I know you can see where I’m going with this, so I’ll get to the point. You’re going to have problems in the group you’re a part of. If you stay together long enough, it’s inevitable. There’s no way you can get a bunch of strong-willed people together in the same place for an extended period of time without some occasional friction. You won’t always like your teammates, and your leadership won’t always be flawless. There might even be times when it gets really nasty.
 
Do you want to know a natural reaction that goes along with these crummy situations? You might start thinking about leaving your gym and going somewhere else. Some of you might not relate to that because you’ve never considered walking away from your program. But several of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Hey…I’ve seen it happen. Over the course of those 12 years I was in the Calpian gym, we had some casualties. I can remember the names of lifters who came and went, and their departures were connected to one of the dramas on that list I started this article with. Little things that didn’t seem important on their own, but they festered into something larger than contaminated the whole vibe.
 
If you’re an athlete, I’m a pretty big believer that you can (and should) just ride out most of this stuff. Very few dramas are worth a complete separation. If you storm out the front door the first time something prickly happens, that’s like walking away from a marriage the first time you have a fight. You could very easily screw yourself out of a good thing by overreacting. You might close a door that won’t open again after you realize you made a mistake.
 
If you’re a coach, it’s your job to FIX IT. The culture and behavior in your gym is your responsibility to shape. It won’t always be easy…believe me. Some of your athletes will pull stunts that make you want to kill them. You’ll think about kicking them out of the gym, and how nice life would be if you didn’t have them in the equation. (NOTE: We have to acknowledge that there are times when athletes should be removed from the program. It’s warranted in some situations. But they’re rare. Most of the time, you can make them act the way you want them to act if you use the right tactics.)
 
Sometimes it’s hard. I get it. It’s even harder when you’ve got another place that’s tempting you, know what I mean? As an athlete, you get fed up with the crap in your program, and you see some kind of Plan B on the horizon that seems like a better place to be. New gym, new coach, new people…and no drama. As a coach, it’s different. You don’t think about leaving your gym and going to a new one. You think about lighting the whole place on fire, packing up all your stuff in a backpack, and going to live in the woods.
 
I hate to burst your bubble, but there’s gonna be drama everywhere. The place that looks like paradise has its own share of issues. You can bank on it. If you go there, you’ll eventually have to deal with them too. Even living in the woods is going to have its share of headaches.
 
Now, let’s acknowledge that there might be rare situations where the problems in your program truly are deal-breakers. I don’t want to give the false notion that you should try to weather the extreme stuff like abuse, illegal activity, or noxious relationships that are beyond repair. If your experience with this group has become a prolonged nightmare and you’re completely convinced that there’s no going back, you might have to bail. Those times happen in life too, you know?
 
However, we all know most of the headaches you bump into won’t be deal-breakers. This kind of stuff comes with the territory, and you probably shouldn’t pick up your ball and go straight home when it happens. Nothing will ever be perfect. That includes your gym, your coach, your teammates, and you.