“Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.”

How’s that for a cliché that’s been beaten to death? We’ve all heard this quote more times than we can count. A lot of people think Vince Lombardi said it first, but I think it actually came from a college football coach at UCLA in 1950. Regardless of who said it, it’s a load of crap. Winning isn’t the only thing that matters in competitive sports, or life in general. Your actions, the way you behave, and your attitude are more important than winning. Much more important, if you want to know the truth.

Everybody who reads this can think of an athlete who wins a lot of contests, but also acts like a complete jackass. They’re everywhere. When you watch these people, you don’t really care that much about their championship titles or victories. The main thing you notice is their jackassness. You respect their ability, but not their character. It changes everything about how you see them. I’ll even use myself as an example (and not in a good way). The only time my dad ever chewed me out after a weightlifting meet was when I was seventeen. It was the state championship, and I got pissed off after I attempted a new state record and failed. I took off my belt and threw it on the floor as I walked off the platform; everybody saw it. My dad ripped me a new one after it was over, telling me that I embarrassed myself and my family. He said I shouldn’t even get on the platform to compete if I wasn’t man enough to show some discipline and control when things don’t go my way.

I won the meet, by the way. First place in my weight class and I also won the Best Lifter award. But all I remember about that day was disgracing myself and getting a verbal lashing from my dad. Everything he said was right, too. It didn’t matter that I won the meet because I acted like an idiot in front of everybody. Like I said, winning isn’t the only thing that matters.

Five or six years after that happened, I competed in a meet against a guy who had been a pretty big-name lifter. It was during a time period when I was still young and on the way up, and this other guy was starting to hit his downslide. I beat him, and you should have seen the tantrum he threw in the warm-up room afterwards. Kicking trash cans, throwing his shoes at the wall, screaming f--- so loud that the people in the audience could hear it. I remember looking at his wife while he was in the middle of it, seeing how embarrassed and ashamed she was. He wouldn’t even come out and accept his second-place award. This was a grown man, by the way, not a seventeen year-old kid.

That stuff matters. When you lower your character to a point where other people lose their respect for you, it matters. It matters more than the color of your medal or seeing “1st” next to your name on the results sheet. What we’re going to look at in this month’s article is behavior.

When was the last time you got lectured about this area? Middle school, or maybe earlier? You’re all adults and you’re definitely past the point of needing little kiddie lessons about how to act. However, it doesn’t hurt to hear a little reinforcement from time to time, especially if you’re any kind of coach or administrator. The way you behave is either going to A) bring more clients to you or B) run them off. Trust me, your business can sink or swim based on the things you do and say. Knowing this, it’s at least worth a few thoughts. And knowing that you found this magazine on the internet, why don’t we start there?

Some ways to screw up your reputation online…

The internet. It’s such an amazing thing, isn’t it? It’s one of the most important technological inventions in the history of civilization, no doubt about it. But it’s one of those things you can love and hate at the same time, like reality TV or your spouse. One of the most fascinating aspects of the internet is that it gives you an opportunity to communicate with a whole new galaxy of douchebags you never knew existed. I can personally vouch for this. Some of the most incredible cornholes I’ve ever met in my life have popped up in my online travels. After arguing with them for a while, I have to assume their parents fed them a steady diet of paint chips when they were little.

Now, I learned a long time ago that a simple disagreement doesn’t make anybody a moron. We all have our opinions, many of them are different, and most of us are pretty smart people. I’m cool with the idea that there’s more than one way to look at something. When we’re young, I think we tend to believe anybody who contradicts us is an idiot. That’s not true. If you think that way, it’s very possible you might be the idiot. However, as fair-minded as I like to think I’ve become, there’s still one personality type I can’t stomach. I’m talking about the schmucks who have basically zero experience in Olympic weightlifting, yet they write like they’re experts who have the whole sport figured out. You could fit their weightlifting record on the back of a postage stamp but they’ll still go on rants where they explain exactly what’s wrong with OLifting in America…or offer some all-knowing analysis of how to become a world champion.

I hate to just come right out and say it, but your opinion on OLifting doesn’t matter that much if you don’t have any legitimate experience in it. Even if you’ve been highly successful in another strength field, you’re not qualified to argue with people who have lived neck-deep in OL for years, produced high-level lifters, or had successful careers as athletes. Why the hell would you think you’re a voice of authority in an area where you have almost zero accomplishment? Because you’ve read a lot of articles, watched a lot of videos, and even participated in it a little bit?

Listen; let’s put this in a slightly different context. I like food a lot. I’ve been eating it for a long time, I know a few things about it, and I’m even a pretty decent cook. But you don’t see me walking up to Rachel Ray and saying, “Hey you dumb skank, you don’t know jack about cooking. Let me tell you how to do it right, because your food tastes like a bucket of goat balls.”
I’m not gonna do that. Why? Because she’s an expert in cooking and I’m not. I should be trying to learn from her, not argue with her.

And let’s be fair. It’s totally possible for somebody to have quality insight on something even if they don’t have a big resumé in it. I’m not saying you have to lift in 30 meets or coach a national champion before you’re allowed to open your mouth about weightlifting. That’s not the point I’m making. You’ve got the right to get involved in any kind of weightlifting discussion that appeals to you, even if you’re a total newbie, and you should be given basic human respect. Still, my personal opinion is that you should be trying to learn as much as possible when you’re a beginner or intermediate lifter. It’s probably not a good idea to argue with people who are much more qualified than you, and it’s definitely not a good idea to posture yourself as an expert when you haven’t really done anything important.

Also, let’s wait a second before any of the paint-chip crowd jumps up and says, “Foreman’s a jackass. He acts like he’s a weightlifting expert, and it’s not like he ever won a world championship or anything.” Hold on, bubba. Put down the crack pipe. I’m not saying I’m the all-knowing voice of anything. I’m just a really attractive guy who’s trying to give you some food for thought. That’s all. Nobody is going to run to your gym to be coached by you if you’re a reputed internet troll.

Back to non-internet behavior…

I watched a tennis match between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal a few years ago. Federer lost…on TV…in front of millions of people. Afterwards, he shook Nadal’s hand and congratulated him. In the post-match interview, he said, “I respect Nadal because he acts the same whether he wins or loses.” That’s good stuff right there.

If you’re a coach, I believe it’s your job to require honorable conduct from your athletes. You have to teach them to respect themselves, the sport, and their competitors. You have to do this for two reasons. First, it’s the right thing to do and everybody damn well knows it. Second, their shameful actions (if you allow them) reflect on you as the coach. Other people in the sport will see you the same way you see parents who let their brat kids run through a supermarket, screaming and knocking things over. You think these parents need to get smacked in the head with a brick, right? Correct, and the same goes for you if you let your athletes act like immature little morons.

Don’t misunderstand this and think I’m saying that we should all act like boring zombies when we compete. I don’t think that at all. I love it when athletes show emotion and go crazy after their successes. Screaming is cool. Jumping up and down is cool. It gets everybody fired up and adds excitement to the sport, both of which are good things. Go back and watch some old footage of Pyrros Dimas if you want to know what I’m talking about. And I also think it’s good to get pissed off after you fail. I’ve said many times that I wouldn’t give a plug nickel for somebody who screws up and isn’t bothered by it. If you’re gonna be a good athlete, you need to have zero tolerance for failure. Making mistakes has to bother you…a lot. But I don’t think you should handle those mistakes by freaking out. Nothing good comes from that. Having an edge to your personality is good. Being a whack-job isn’t.

Look, we’re all competitive people and we all want to win. That’s obvious. There’s nothing better than fighting to the top of the mountain. It’s also obvious that there are going to be people out there who have a different perspective on this whole issue. Some people think it’s okay to act like a loose cannon, as long as you’re still number one. They have the “you can say whatever you want if you’re the best” mentality. I understand where they’re coming from, and we can agree to disagree. This is just a little suggestion that maybe you should think about something more than just winning first-place medals. Maybe you should think about the example you set for others, and whether your actions make your example good or bad.

Does this sound like it’s straight out of Sunday school? I don’t know, maybe. Regardless of how preachy these ideas might be, you have to remember something if you’re a business owner or a coach. People are either going to follow you, or they’re not going to follow you. They’ll follow you if you demonstrate the kind of qualities they respect and admire…the things they want to see in themselves. When you have this kind of personality and reputation, people will just start to show up more and more. Word of mouth will spread about you, and you’ll start to get a lot of phone calls and emails from people who want to get in on what you’re doing. These people will probably be the types you want to have around you, too.

I don’t know many people who respect and admire immaturity, posturing, and mouthy foolishness. The people who follow these traits probably aren’t the ones you’re going to build a foundation for greatness on. If you’re a tool, good people will see it and they won’t follow you. You’ll attract the bottom of the barrel, which is also where your gym will stay.

A final thought? I guess we leave with the simple idea that you should have a clear vision for what kind of identity you want people to associate with you. The whole “I don’t give a f--- what anybody thinks about me, screw ‘em all” thing? That’s fine if you’re pursuing a career in punk rock or professional wrestling. But if you plan to be a leader of others, it’s probably smart to be a little more careful about how you behave. Just think about it. That’s all I ask.