Recently I logged over 15 hours on the phone conducting one-on-one interviews with several clients. And with a couple of them--the newer ones we’ve only recently started working with--a very important issue came up. Then, a day later, I received a very personal letter from a client who’s also struggling with the same issue right now (and it’s not a financial concern, he’s crushing it in that department). So I thought it was time to address this issue with an article.

This is without a doubt the most spirit killing, soul crushing, cause-of-burnout there is in our industry. And if you’re doing this right now, STOP!

Perspective (Young Man Mistakes)

I want to preface this article with full transparency. I have made many mistakes in my life. This was one of them. But I’m not alone. Chances are high (maybe 100%?) that you’ve made them too… and are possibly continuing to make them. That’s okay, as long as some learning eventually occurs. And by hook or by crook… it will. My wish for you is that you read this and make the necessary changes in your business and life NOW. Don’t wait to learn this lesson the hard way.

YOU are More Important Than Your Business

Your health, happiness, and fulfillment are what are most important in life. NOT your business. The purpose of your business is to support your life. And taking care of yourself means that WHILE you’re building your business… you still must prioritize things like:

1. Making time to eat healthy food
2. Getting good rest at night
3. Ensuring you have time and energy to get in some exercise each week
4. Adjust things as necessary to keep your stress levels down (related to #1, 2, and 3 above… but also involves additional items).

Now that’s what you and I NEED to do. And keeping that on track WHILE building a business will challenge you for sure. But we’re not done yet. What’s next?

Your Family Is More Important Than Your Clients

Once you’ve got taking care of yourself down… consistently… you’ve got a responsibility to your family. Your spouse, your children, your extended family, etc. They need your love and support. And if you’re working all the time INSTEAD of balancing your time and energy investments to be there for them… chances are good that’s not going to end well for anybody.
NOT taking care of yourself and NOT being there for your family and fulfilling those very important roles you signed on to play in your life BESIDES being a business owner, coach, etc. IS the root cause of negative symptoms like burnout, unhappiness, and general dissatisfaction.

Why Do We Do It?

So if NOT taking care of ourselves and NOT being there for those we love who depend on us isn’t good for us… why do we do it? Why do we push things so hard to put ourselves in this negative and unhealthy place? And how on earth do you get in a place where you become ADDICTED to repeatedly causing yourself that kind of pain… over and over again?
Well, the answers always lie within.
1. You have a strong desire to “succeed” in growing your business (the very loaded word in this sentence is “success”- how do YOU define it?)

2. Your desire (and need) to have your business to produce enough income to support your lifestyle goals and provide for those who depend on you (and making the mistake in thinking that money is what matters, when it really matters little. LOVE is most valuable currency we have in every relationship… including the one we have with ourselves.)

3. You enjoy challenging yourself… and seeing how much you can grow as a result.

4. You enjoy learning new skills, systems, etc. you can apply in your business… and then pushing yourself to implement them, seeing how far they can take you.

5. You are trying to prove something to yourself or someone else, namely that YOU can do this (because most can’t or won’t put forth the time, effort, and sacrifice to do so).

This is by no means a complete list. But I think it’s some of the big rocks.

Let’s dig in and talk more about this addition to pain piece, because there is a LOT to discuss there…

St. George and the Dragon


St. George and the Dragon painting by Paolo Uccello dating from
around 1470

This is a very famous painting of “St George and the Dragon” by Paolo Uccello. It dates from around the 1470s and is on display in the National Gallery in London (I hope to see it during my upcoming UK trip in April). There are many legends and versions of this story, but as you can seem St. George has come on his horse to kill the dragon and free the maiden. And the maiden wants to be saved from the dragon. But what she doesn’t realize is that she has been holding onto it’s leash the entire time. And what she MUST do is let go of it.

This story relates very much to anyone dealing with addiction, and I would define addition as “a continued involvement with a substance or activity despite the negative consequences associated with it.” In this case, we’re talking about addiction to pushing yourself SO hard that you cross the barrier into very negative pain and suffering in growing your business. When you are experiencing dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and burnout symptoms WHILE pushing yourself extremely hard to grow your business… you become like the maiden in the legend of St. George. And what you must be made aware of, which is the whole purpose for me in writing this article is that YOU are the one holding onto this leash and only YOU can let go of it!

Letting Go of the Leash

So, how on earth do you let go of the leash and kill the dragon and put an end to this negative cycle in your business and life once and for all? I think the first thing that must occur is the very deep understanding and awareness that:

1. There is a dragon.
2. There is a leash holding the dragon close to you and it’s in your hand….
3. Only YOU can let go of the leash, and you must do so before you…
4. Kill the dragon.

This is not an easy process. I’ve been through it and I’d say it took me 2 years to work through steps #1-4. There is obviously a lot to this very big topic. But let me start with some fundamental and basic action steps I feel are important in beginning the process.

Hierarchy of Responsibility

I think one of the first steps is to understand that when you’re in this place, your values are out of alignment. I wrote a well received article on this called “Unspoken Conversations and the Hierarchy of Responsibility” last year which talks about this in more details and how to start fixing it. The short version is that you must value yourself first, your family and friends second, your team third, and your clients fourth. Anytime you get those mixed up or out of order, you will suffer and your path is unsustainable. The second, more structural piece involves how you manage and choose to “invest” your time.
Time Investments

Time IS the most valuable asset we get to enjoy in the universe. And I say “get to enjoy” because once it’s gone, it NEVER comes back. Money is actually not that valuable. And you can ALWAYS do things to get more money, but you NEVER get more time. So therefore it’s extremely important to make careful decisions about how you INVEST your time (and energy). I really don’t like the phrase “time management,” because it’s impossible to “manage” time. Time simply is. What we have the ability to control and direct is our FOCUS and activities. So that is what must be managed. But the word “manage” to me also seems to have a negative and boring connotation. Nobody wants to “manage” anything. Managing implies “watch this so you don’t screw it up”. Oh joy. Let me go do some more of that! No thanks.

I prefer to use the term time “investments,” because that’s more fun, and actually a much more accurate description, I think. When you “invest” your time… you can get either get very positive or negative returns. And the positive returns can grow exponentially… making you a very “wealthy” person in multiple areas of life. Your health, your finances, your relationships, etc.
So let’s talk about some very basic good time investment DECISIONS you can make WHILE building your business. First and foremost, I think it is absolutely essential you eliminate split shifts!

Everyone has done this in our industry. Get up early. Go to the gym. Train clients until late morning. Have lunch. Try to do a little work. Try to workout yourself (even though you are tired from little sleep and getting up so early). Get cleaned up. Pound caffeine because you’re tired… but the day’s not over yet. Pick yourself up to train clients again in the evening (showtime! part 2). Finish late evening. Head home. Say hello to anyone still awake. Try to get to sleep so you can get up in a few hours and… Do it all over again!

CRAZY!

This is an unsustainable path. And it will break you at some point one way or another. So my first advice to EVERY SINGLE CLIENT is to STOP DOING THIS NOW! Just stop. Cut yourself off from the bar immediately. No more for you! Decide whether you want to be a morning worker or an evening worker. Set your hours and schedule. And then protect those boundaries you are setting with everything you’ve got.

It’s pretty simple. All you need is to use one word in your vocabulary: “NO!” If you have a family, let me make this simple for you. You are probably going to be a morning worker and finish by 4pm. Then evenings will be spent with your family, because nobody wants to hang out with you at 6:00 in the morning-and there are no little league or youth football games at that time. So go to work in the early morning and see everyone later.

You DON’T need the money from working a split shift. More important you need time to take care of yourself and devote to other relationships (especially if you have children!). Better you get smarter about raising your fees, offering semi-private or group training, do some better marketing to fill up group classes to better leverage the time you ARE working IN your business to produce more income. Okay?

Summary

Now I could’ve just started and ending this article by saying, “stop doing split shifts”. But if I just did that, you wouldn’t REALLY get it… probably wouldn’t do it… and therefore would be destined to repeat the same mistakes you are making over and over again. So I’ve taken the time to dig into this with more discussion, in hopes that you can really understand this whole thing a little better and kill your own dragon. It’s a lot to think about and digest. So give this some time to mull over, but DO take swift action.

I challenged the client who I spoke with dealing with this issue to write a letter over the weekend… deliver it to all 38 of his clients on Monday, and have the change in his schedule take place end of this week. Any client in a contract that wants out as a result of cancelling an evening class… try to plug them into a morning class or let them go. Life is too short to quibble over a few dollars. I hope he’s writing the letter right now and gets it out the door tomorrow. Will let you know how it goes. For the rest of the day I’m following my own advice and heading off to enjoy another beautiful day in the sunshine at the lake, because I’m in full agreement with the immortal words of Rodney Dangerfield that “If you don’t look out for #1, you’re likely to step in #2.”