Sometimes I joke that I must be broken, because I swear my husband gets more into my own competitions than I do. I am always amazed at how supportive he can be and how proud he gets when he watches me lift. I also am keenly aware that not everyone has such a supportive partner. In my relationship, I can sometimes be that non-supportive one. I can become very self-centered and competitive and can completely fail to be my husband’s better half when it’s his turn to lift. Thankfully, we can communicate well so we have been able to find compromises, but I would imagine that if we did not have the foundational communication skills, I would be a huge strain on our relationship.

When Your Partner is the Strain in Your Relationship

If your partner is the problem child in your relationship and doesn’t quite understand your commitment to lifting, there are definitely some approaches you can take to try to find some middle ground.
Start by considering your core values. When it comes down to it, what do you truly value in life at this very moment? Are you seeking someone who fully supports your love for this sport? Would it cause you significant emotional distress over the long haul if your loved one didn’t fully support you? Would it be okay with you if your partner understood your passion but didn’t express interest in the sport too? Having a sense of what you actually want in order to feel comfortable in your relationship is important.
Once you have asked yourself what you truly value, break down your expectations into objective needs. For example, what does a supportive partner look like to you? For me, I just want my husband to take time off from work to travel to my competitions with me. That’s it. I don’t have any expectations of him when he’s in the building. I would prefer that he watches me lift, but if he had a good reason for missing my lift, I would probably be okay with it; I would be sad, but I would be okay. But maybe for you, your objective needs are that your partner is not only in-house but is recording every single one of your lifts and is waiting at the end of your session with a bouquet of flowers and a giant hug. You have to know what you need, so that you can communicate what you’re seeking.

After you know what you’re seeking, communicating your needs is the next step. The DEAR (describe express assert reinforce) approach is always a winner. This approach helps you to describe the current issue, express how it makes you feel when you don’t feel supported, explain what you are specifically seeking, and outline what the possible results may be if you are unable to receive your requests.

Important Caveat

Even if you have done some serious self-reflection, have pinpointed your current values, have developed clear-cut objectives, and practiced repeatedly in a mirror what you plan to say to your significant other, always be sure to go into a conversation with a plan to compromise. You may be entirely aware of what you want, but it just may not be possible for your partner to implement immediately. Maybe over time they can do it. Or maybe you’re asking too much for them to ever do successfully. Hear them out! Truly hear their side. And try to meet them halfway.

These conversations are hard to start. Most of the time they aren’t as simple as “Hey I want X,Y, Z,” with the other person replying, “Oh, sure! No problem!” Back and forth conversating is typically necessary. You are both human and you both want to feel heard and supported. So don’t freak out if you end up needing to have multiple conversations about getting your needs met. Don’t freak out if your exact demands are unable to be met. And definitely don’t freak out if these conversations feel like hard work; they usually are.

Why Bother

People often think relationships shouldn’t be hard and that the “right” person will do nearly all the “right” things in life. But that is very much not the case. Relationships require frequent conversations and feedback. Even if you’re able to hold a conversation today with your partner and immediately see the changes you wanted, be prepared to need to have a similar conversation again in the future. What works for you now very well won’t work for you later. So start practicing the art of communicating now, because you’ll need it the rest of your relationship.

Plus, just imagine how cool it will be when you feel the support you seek! It may not ultimately be exactly what you had wanted–especially if you needed to compromise–but I’m sure you will feel as though you received something you desired. And once you feel heard and supported, keep an eye on how it positively impacts your lifting performance. Something tells me you will likely see a notable improvement!