I wear many hats. I am a mother to two adorable children and wife to an equally adorable husband. Most of my weekdays are spent either helping my daughter and son with their homework, talking with them about their days at school, or shuttling them to their various practices and lessons. As a parent, the main focus of my time (and most of my waking hours) are spent ensuring that my family is provided and cared for.
 
But, I also love to weightlift. I didn’t start the sport until after having children, so from the beginning of my athletic journey, I was constantly battling how to balance training and family life. On one hand, I wanted to get stronger and more technically sound in my lifts. On the other hand, I wanted to be an integral part of my daughter and son’s lives and didn’t want to miss any of their major developmental milestones. Whether it be with my family or on the platform, I always felt like there was not enough time in the day to accomplish everything I wanted to do.
 
So how did I (and how can you) balance the family/weightlifting life?
 
Step one: Figure out your priorities.
 
Are you a professional athlete looking to make the Olympics? Is weightlifting a job that puts money on the table? What do you see in your family life as a “non-negotiable”? Think about it: if you are in a place in your life where your children and significant other REALLY NEED YOU (for example, if you have a one-month old baby), finding time to sneak off to the gym may be extremely tricky (if not all together unfathomable).
 
Parenthood has a number of different seasons: There is the “I-may-never-get-to-sleep-again-because-the-newborn-is-always-up” season and the “My-kids-are-almost-going-to-college-what-should-I-do-with-my-free-time” season, and all the other seasons in between. What is YOUR role and what are your priorities given the season you are currently in? Once you have evaluated and determined what your parental priorities are, then you can move on to the next step.
 
Step two: Figure out your schedule. (Your actual schedule, NOT your idealized schedule.)
 
Before having children, I assumed I’d be able to train when the kids were asleep, and initially, that was what happened. The little girl would go down for a nap and I’d quietly sneak downstairs to load up the barbell (having a home gym is lovely, by the way!).
 
But then, inevitably, that schedule changed. Some days the laundry needed to be done or the house needed to be cleaned. Other days I was so physically exhausted that a nap was way more productive than lifting weights. The solution? I didn’t lift weights those days when I was too physically spent because sometimes rest is best. Other days when I was slightly fatigued but knew just doing something light would be better than taking a full rest day, I’d instead do 15-20 minutes of technique work.
 
This change in my idealized schedule extended beyond the first year or two of my children’s lives. In addition to being a parent, I was (and am) also a full-time teacher. So, once my workday/school day ended, I knew that I still needed to pick up my children from their schools, help them with their homework, get them bathed, make dinner, and ensure they got to bed at a reasonable hour. And don’t even get me started on their sports schedules!
 
Looking at what activities my children had that week and prioritizing those first then enabled me to see what times I could train myself. In the process of figuring out my lifting schedule, in some seasons of parenthood that meant I would be lifting at 4am. Not ideal, but if that was the time I needed to train or otherwise there’d be no training involved, then I took it.
 
Thankfully, not every week was like that. Some weeks I’d be able to train in the afternoon. Other times there was a school vacation so I could hit the platform at a more desirable hour. Like parenthood, schedules ebb and flow and the name of the game is being able to reevaluate, reassess and realistically determine what your time is like.
 
Step three: Talk about it with your significant other and children.
 
Communication (and not just in scheduling, but in all areas of family life) between parents and children is key. Planning out the weekly schedule with my husband is vital because it helps us be the best parents we can be. I love to weightlift, and my husband is fairly active in BJJ. I understand that he needs time at the BJJ school to decompress, talk with his friends, and have a mental break from work and stress. On that same note, he understands that me going to lift weights provides that same kind of respite from the tiring job of being a parent and full-time teacher.
 
After sitting down and communicating with one another about how often we both wanted to train, we determined my husband would pick up the kids and take them to their sports practice on those days that I wanted to lift. Similarly, I would watch the children when he went to open mat. We traded off and helped each other with pick-ups, drop-offs, and the like so that we could both do the activities we wanted to. Because we are both on this same page, we could devise a plan that enabled us to both find “me” time on the platform or mat, and in the end, having that space to participate in our respective sports left us both more energized and enthusiastic when we spent time with the children.
 
Also, communicating to our son and daughter where I was going (“Mommy is going to practice her clean and jerks today!”) also made the sport I was participating in that much more tangible to my kids. Getting the children involved in my schedule gave them a sense of agency in our family routine, and rather than feel left out that I was going to train, they were instead curious and excited. For example, the last time I was preparing for a meet, I’d share that training experience by showing them videos of my lifting, letting them try on my singlet, and walking them through the lifts with a PVC pipe. Once they knew WHAT I was preparing for, they had a better idea of what I was doing when I was at the gym. That knowledge made them feel more included in the whole training process, so when I said that I was “going to train,” they understood what that meant.
 
Step four: Be willing to go with the flow.
 
Step Four is very closely related to Step Two because being flexible and open to change is key in finding success in training and family.
 
Parenthood is all about being malleable. You could have the best laid out plans for your children, but inevitably, all kids are different, and you will always need to adapt your parenting skills on the fly.
 
Such is the same with weightlifting. Life WILL happen. Unexpected parent-teacher conferences, illnesses, field trips, and the like WILL infiltrate your neatly organized schedule. Then what? You adapt. If you had it ingrained that you were going to the gym at 4pm but your son ends up getting the flu at 9am that day, what’s your next step? If your priority is to see that he is getting rest and fluids, then do that.
 
In the end, the push and pull between finding a balance between weightlifting and family is individual. Family situations change. Weightlifting goals change. What is for certain, however, is that YOUR family is YOUR family. Weightlifting will always be around. Make sure to remain focused on what your priorities are and then set a plan in place to help you be the best athlete and parent possible.