Stress, anxiety, and depression can happen to anyone, even athletes! We are not superheroes. There is no such thing as a superhero. (Sorry to all you Marvel fans out there.)

There is a stigma with mental health that causes many to shy away from the topic. I was one of these people, even when I was experiencing stress, anxiety, and depression. When I was 12 years old, I experienced my first physically induced reaction to stress. I had a focal migraine that caused me to temporarily lose some of my vision. This was during a period of my family’s life where my father’s employer transferred him to work out of state for two years. We would only see each other on weekends, and then he’d leave early on Monday mornings and head from Vermont to New York to work all week, returning late Friday evening. My parents chose not to relocate because they knew it was a temporary situation. My sister was in college, and I was just starting my weightlifting career, so it would not have made sense to move only to return in less than two years time.

Years later, I would battle depression when my sister passed away. After that, performance anxiety—an extreme nervousness before and during competing—would also poke its head in and out of my life around the time of competitions, most certainly impacting the results of my performance.

I want to specify that there is a difference between types of stress. We may have a stressful day at work, or experience a disagreement with a family member or friend. These are short-term stressors and often resolved quickly with no more than an emotional upset and without physical symptoms. When you experience something tragic (such as a death, illness, divorce, move or job loss) anxiety, and depression are normal and expected reactions.

 The symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression often expose themselves with physical symptoms such as panic attacks, insomnia, change in appetite, weight gain, weight loss, loss of hair, chest pain, fatigue, migraines/headaches, palpitations, amongst other symptoms that are hard to keep private. If you experience any of these symptoms, do not be ashamed, please see a true medical professional.

I tried to hide my symptoms for a long time, but it only caused issues, primarily with my teammates. When you show up late for training or don’t show up at all, it becomes noticeable. Once a team meeting was called because my teammates wanted to talk to me about not showing up for training. It resulted in a huge blowout and words I said that I still regret to this day. Looking back, I know that my teammates cared and were holding me accountable. I was a resident at the Olympic Training Center, where there were always applications from interested female athletes wanting to come to join the program.
Truthfully, to this day, only my coach, parents, and roommate knew the battle I was internally fighting every day with such a sadness hanging over me. Had I been more transparent about why I was not showing up for training, which due to the exhaustion and tiredness from late-night panic attacks, insomnia, restless nights and the fog and haze from the various anti-anxiety medications I was being prescribed, things would have been different. Again, I was afraid of the stigma of anxiety and depression and being labeled “crazy,” so I kept things to myself.

After a few months of working with a sport psychologist, a grief counselor, and a physician, I was able to get back into the routine of training. Then I stopped working with all of them. I thought being in the gym was better therapy, as it helped me pull through the emotions. In reality, it was a distraction, and I was only burying the emotions and trying to forget what happened. At one point in time, I would tell people that weightlifting helped me through the grieving process. Now looking back, I know it only hurt me, as I did not grieve until I retired from the sport. Only then did I finally begin to face the reality of my sister’s death.

I have also experienced performance anxiety.

Competing as a Youth and Junior lifter, lifting was fun. I traveled around the U.S. and was able to meet other girls my age who lifted. Then around 16 or 17 years old, I began qualifying for both Junior and Senior International teams. With this came me setting bigger goals: the goals to make more teams, lift more weight, place higher, win medals, and qualify to earn (and maintain) a monthly stipend from USA Weightlifting.

These hefty goals, along with my determination and stubbornness, inadvertently began giving me stress. Stress then resulted in performance anxiety. No one ever put pressure on me to perform, but I put pressure on myself, and for me, that pressure was not a positive thing. It was negative. My body mechanics would change when I was having performance anxiety. My arms would get tight, and my body would not move the way it normally did in training, not to mention a higher heart rate I could feel pounding in my chest and ringing in my ears.

I knew that my coach prepared me, that he knew I was ready, and that he would never put a weight on the bar that he did not think I was capable of. He once told me, “I wish you had the confidence in you that I have in you. You would be very successful.” Knowing this, though, did not remove the performance anxiety.

Because of the performance anxiety, I saw my best lifts in the training hall. I loved to train. I snatched 96kg in training, 92kg in competition. I did a 128kg Clean and Jerk in training and 120kg in a meet. That’s a total difference of 12 kg...which is also the difference between placing in the top 12 and top five at the Olympics in 2008.

I know many athletes who have struggled both in the gym and out of the gym with stress, anxiety, and depression. For some, the roots of their stress, anxiety, and depression were related to sport; for others, it was situational. I have experienced both and pulled through them. Not gracefully, but I made it to the other side where I can now look back at that period in my life and be proud of the outcome.

Stress, anxiety, and depression aren’t emotions and feelings that you ‘snap’ out of. It’s easy for people to say this when they have never gone through it.

When you’re an athlete, there’s always a plan or a program you follow. I use the same tactic for every component of my life. I make a plan, I work through it, and I follow it through to completion. Creating a plan in itself can cause or exacerbate stress, anxiety, or depression. But you know what? At the end of a plan is a great reward.

A plan will help you get to a solution. You can continue to live feeling the way you do, or you can fix it. In the short term, your feelings may be heightened because you’re uncomfortable, but the reward at the end is worth it. You can’t train through these feelings and emotions; you must tackle them the same way you tackle a PR attempt. Full on. If you try to train through, you’re not going to lift to your fullest potential. You’re only impacting yourself.  
 
No two people experience stress, anxiety, or depression the same way, so what worked for me might not work for you. I’m sharing my story and what I did to conquer these issues to let you know that you’re not alone and that things do get better. They will get better.
Here’s what worked for me:

 Communication

Interact with those people in your life who are important to you and talk about what you are feeling. If they are your friends, they love and care for you and will want to be there and support you through this period in your life. Especially let your coach know. This way your workouts can be appropriately tailored. Your health and your mental and physical well-being come first. Weightlifting is not more important than your quality of life, but the community it brings can impact your life. Having the support of your coach and teammates is important. It will make you want to get up out of bed in the morning and go to the gym to train.

Journal

Track daily what you’re feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally that day. See if there are trends that trigger your stress, anxiety, and/or depression. I also suggest writing three things a day down that you’re grateful for. Having a gratitude section of your journal really helps open your eyes to the positive things you surround yourself with. It can also make you notice the little things in life that you wouldn’t normally notice—hello, front row parking spot! It can help train our brains to see the positive and drown out the negatives. Make sure to include positive outcomes and experiences from your training. If you made more lifts than you missed, well, that’s a great day. If you had a technical breakthrough, that’s a great day and something to be thankful for. Even if it is getting the first parking spot in the parking lot at the gym (you all know how much we love to walk?!), that’s a little ray of sunshine in our life. I’d be thankful to save my legs for squat vs. walking another 100ft.

Counseling

Find a good counselor. Not a friend, a certified counselor. Yes, they can be expensive, but there are many options available (even online!). Even if you go once a month for $100, it is worth it. $100 could be a nice evening out for dinner and a movie, but why not invest that money in yourself? Spend the money; YOU ARE WORTH IT.  Working with a counselor will help you break through and process the root cause of your stress, anxiety, and depression. If you’re battling performance anxiety relating to competition, you can find your triggers, create a routine, and work through exercises such as visual imagery to alleviate the anxiety.

Medication

There is no shame in using medication to help process what you’re feeling. And medication is sometimes only temporary; it does not have to be for the rest of your life. These medications exist for a reason. Ask your doctor what time of day is best to take it. In the early stages of taking medication, you may feel groggy or tired, so timing appropriately can help you bring your “A” game when you show up to train.

Counseling & Medication

I was once told by a doctor that counseling and medication are like 1 + 1 = 4. This combination will help you faster. Who wouldn’t want to go this route and get better? You know what I think is a bonus with counseling and medication? Exercise! It is proven that exercise releases endorphins (these are feel-good chemicals!). Adding exercise to the equation I think is more like 1 +1 +1 = 6. 

If you are battling stress, anxiety, or depression, please, talk to someone about it. You’re not meant to tackle it on your own. There is no need to be embarrassed or ashamed of what you are feeling. Just like a weightlifting team, you need teammates in your life that will build you up, support you, and cheer you on, whether it is through a gut-wrenching clean and jerk or getting out of bed in the morning. Surround yourself with people who will offer support and encouragement and help you live your life to the fullest.